It Started With A Whisper

I have renewed my old love for pop punk/ska this past weekend.

I started to remember why I loved these genres so much in high school; they’re so much fun to listen to, fun to dance to, and such spirit-lifters. My new-found band that I have fallen in love with is Neon Trees. How could I have not found them before? They are amazing.

These guys make my heart thump twice as fast – in addition, I have an official crush on the singer, Tyler Glenn. He has amazing energy on stage and his voice is gorgeous.

My favourite performance that I could find is this one:

(Courtesy of YOUTUBE.COM, VideoLovr – Performing “Everybody Talks”)

Neon Trees performing a cover for Justin Bieber’s “Baby”:

(Courtesy of YOUTUBE.COM, BillboardMagazine)

I have been scoping out Youtube like no tomorrow about these guys (my husband rolls his eyes every time he sees me on the computer now) I just have to listen to them once I wake up to get my day started, it gets me in such a great mood.

Another band I’ve been checking out and getting into more is Marianas Trench (not pop punk, but still an energy boost to listen to) I have been addicted to their songs Desperate Measures and Fallout.

Aside from these new band interests, lately I’ve been commemorating my old faves such as:

The Johnstones – Gone For A Long Time
The Flatliners – Broken Bones
The Aquabats – Meltdown
Hedley – On My Own
Mustard Plug – Yesterday

Just a few of the collection blasting in the background. Sometimes you forget just how much you were into music until you start listening to it all over again – and then you wish you were back in high school with your garage band playing shows on stage. It feels like such a long time since then and just the transitions you go through in life. If you were to comb through your past and compare it with your present, I’m sure many of you would have never believed, nor thought, that your life would end up the way it is. But always remember that life is comprised of many changes and decisions that direct our paths down different routes sometimes.  Never be afraid to embrace what can be rather than being stuck and wondering why didn’t you.

I guess when I went through this music selection I really understood now what my parents have always explained to me when I was growing through my teen years – life is highly unpredictable, it is rarely absolute. If you have a Plan A don’t feel bad to carry Plan B with you in case.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and change a few things (like some of you probably feel as well) But you know what? Everything happens for a reason. There is no cause without reason, right? So I suppose it is good that I went through everything I went through, and still got to get my interests back in these awesome bands. I remember now why I used to feel dull but have that kick back in again.

❤ thanks NEONTREES.

“Oh, oh I want some more.
Oh, oh what are you waiting for?
Take a bite to my heart tonight”

– Animal, Neon Trees

Tyler, you’re hot.

Rock the Casba

Enjoying coffee at 9:18 a.m and listening to the Aquabats and Neon Trees.
What do you do on a Friday night when your son is spending the night at his grandparents’ house and your hubby and you are finally alone?

YOU CRASH EARLY AND SLEEP IN LATE, BABE.

Oh, and have sex. Did I forget to mention that first?

This is when parenthood has it’s rewards, you remember what quality time with yourself means again.

 

 

 

Luke’s Transition – Words and All

Luke has been expressing himself in different ways and different words.

It is truly amazing. Eep! It just makes me jump with giddy every time he does something new and different. He is now comfortable with the words:

“Mommy”
“Hi Mommy”
“Daddy”
“Abby” (our dog)
“Bowl”
“Light”
“Nona”
“Lola” (in Filipino, that’s grandma)
“No”
“Yes”

He understands a lot as well. Some are the following:

1. He cleans up after himself once he’s done playing with his toys or after he eats at the table
2. He wipes his face after eating
3. He likes to put his own shoes on
4. He likes to use the phone on his own
5. He knows who his aunts are (his tita and zia)
6. He pretends to cook when I cook or bake
7. He knows what Teddy is (his stuffed animals)

etc.

He makes me so proud every day. I love my baby so much. His smile is what I live for every day.

Dead-Beat Cubicle: Hate the Job, Love the People

I work at a bank. Period. Doesn’t that sound interesting? In most situations, I would imagine that it would, considering that it entails you to deal with people’s money, advise them on better options for their finances, and build strong relationships to ensure better trust with your bank. BORING. I cannot tell you how many times we have practiced that mantra at my work and still think the opposite. I suppose it depends on what your interests on, but quite honestly, the only thing I like about my job are the people I work with, both employees and customers.

The concept of banking is completely dull to me. I do not find any excitement about interest rates, mortgages, mutual funds, GICs, or anything concerning thereof. Mind you, it is a good job to start out with, that I completely agree. But having to keep this job as a career is certainly a different path than what I am usually interested in.

I love working or being in places that are calm, quiet, and not too fast-paced. The only time I would like to be fast-paced is when I am in bed, thank you very much.

As I am sure many people can relate, I have very bad anxiety. When I am in a situation that is highly stressful, my emotions, body and mind go into overkill and start to bunch up or freeze. I begin to panic and have trouble being productive (even during basic activities, such as walking – I start to trip over myself, etc) My mind goes into an imagination and I start to get highly paranoid. Am I doing this right? Are people judging or seeing my mistakes? Am I driving people crazy with my mistakes? Did I just make another mistake?!

Honestly, if you are someone who does not enjoy business-related jobs and cannot handle goal-oriented pressure and do not understand everything about business, do not go into business.

If I can really tell you what I want to do as a career, when I finish my degree, I would like to be a therapist or a sex therapist (clearly, I find sex very appealing) I would like to get my Master’s in counselling, than pursue my practicum for experience and eventually start my own practice or work alongside other therapists.

In the mean time, I need to straighten out the kinks at my work and try to think positive. Breathe in, inner goddess. Breathe out, hell.

Individualism in Relationships: The “We” Word and it’s Over-Usage

Okay, it is now 6:06 a.m and as I was doing my morning yoga (Mondays, Fridays and Sundays are yoga) I tried very hard not to think as I was embracing my inner goddess when I (unwillingly) began to ponder the thought about how relationships sometimes lack individualism.

I believe it began when I had a discussion with my sister yesterday about how she was feeling “weak” because she kept most of her focus on her boyfriend than on her self. She explained that she found it hard to be productive with her life because she keeps worrying about her other half. I had to point out to her that she was her own person, not a siamese twin where she feels she needs to go and do everything her boyfriend is doing.

I suppose we cannot help but feel lovestruck when we love somebody and feel compelled to revolve our world around them. But after many relationships, I can honestly tell you all that you really do not need to worry about being your own person in a relationship. Over-obsessing the “we” is more strenuous I find on a relationship than being two individual people who care about each other and are not afraid to spend time apart and live their own lives.

I have been with my hubby for three years and, of course, the first couple of months to a year are, “I love you” “No, I love you” “You hang up first” “No, you hang up first!” “Sigh, aren’t we just the perfect couple?!”
And of course, the old-fashioned, “No, we don’t really like to go to that restaurant” “Yes we both loved that movie!”

After awhile, maybe a month, I felt too suffocated that I did not have enough space to myself, and honestly, I think he felt the same way. So I would encourage him to hang out with his friends, stay home and relax, go to a strip club. Just give me some space, please.

I can also say that this is the only relationship where my hubby felt comfortable to tell me he didn’t mind getting his own in personal space. In my relationships in the past, I kid you not, but all of my exes would not want to leave me be for a day at least. Now, I do not mind the intimacy and wanting to spend time together, but as I have previously mentioned, I was my own person and so were my exes. We had to learn to take time off from each other. It was gratifying when we started to do so, because every moment of every day together can be so frustrating.

Now, have you ever had a conversation with a man or woman (just randomly, at a cafe or store or whatever) and at first they feel comfortable to talk to you and then when their husband or wife come along they begin to act nervous and standoffish? The reason why I ask is because the other day I brought my son to the park and this couple with two little boys were there. I was watching my son play with their kids and the husband came around to watch his children as well. The wife was seated at the bench, texting on her phone (yeah, that’s right. And this was a middle-aged woman) I began to start a conversation with this man because it would have been awkward just standing near each other, watching our kids, and not saying anything. While we were talking, I noticed the man kept nervously looking at his wife. At first I was feeling like I was intruding (maybe they had a fight or something?) but after a while it just became damn annoying. Clearly, the whip was cracked hard on this guy. Plus, I have a ring on my finger and a child for eff’s sake. How can you honestly be that insecure?!

It’s not like this is the only time this has happened to me, but after awhile you begin to think are relationships really this constrictive? Do we really need to confirm that we are in relationships all the time? Are we really tied down to those we love? Uhm, eff no!

My hubby and I are very open about our love, but we are also very secure about each other. We trust each other so much that sometimes when he goes out to hang out with his friends, I completely forget he’s left the house. I do know that if he’s not home, he’s either on a walk or with his friends.

I am sure he won’t cheat either because we have an open sexual relationship. We love doing fantasies and enjoy sharing each other. We love to experiment, and in the end, the vanilla sex between us is incredible.

So we completely stripped out the “we” in our relationship and became more “you and me” and if we are feeling spontaneous, maybe another “him” or “her”, Aside from that, my point is that people should not feel compelled or threatened about the security of their relationship is everything is fine. Plus, one other thing that would probably make people feel more comfortable about their relationship is being open about their sexual relationship and fantasies.

I find this is the main factor that brings most insecurity in relationships. It always ties down to that, don’t you think? You know what ladies, if your man is still having sex with you, you do not have anything to worry about. Sometimes there are dips (especially if you have kids) but if you are still striding and riding him like a girl on a mechanical bull than you are maintaining one of his most important needs. Please do not feel shy or insecure or angry if your man proposes some other fantasies. The reason why I press this and encourage this is because:

1. It is important in sex to have spontaneity. Boring sex is boring sex.
2. Fantasies are fun, believe it or not. So don’t knock it til you try it.
3. Before doing any fantasy, compromise. Going over the do’s and don’ts of trying out fantasies is important because you need to know what you are both comfortable with.
4. Do not push each other to try new things – that is one red flag that leads to immense insecurity. Things take time to adjust to, and eventually (sometimes not, but that’s okay) you will both be able to try the things you like or are curious about.
5. Be safe with your body, soul and heart (playing with toys, rough sex. s&m – be aware)
6. Most importantly, your man loves YOU. No one else. You will have him wrapped around your finger and on his knees with this new spontaneity.

The same goes for men, too!

In all, I hope that all of you in relationships know that it is okay to be on your own in a relationship. You do not need to suffocate each other by being together 24/7. Giving each other space is actually healthier on a relationship, so leave some time for guy/girl time, road trips, yoga, whatever. Just be “me“ than “we“

Christian Grey vs. Edward Cullen: The Good, The Bad, and the Insatiable

I had finally finished Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L James. Bow chicka wow wow!

Oh dear gosh, how did this woman think of such an extraordinary book? It is so sultry and imaginative and ugh! Just like Twilight (without the urge to stop by an s&m shop) The plot, in comparison to the Twilight series, is a little different but still has that same concept of dangerous-guy-innocent-girl-can’t-get-enough-of-each-other-over-obsessive blah blah blah. But yet, it still grips the inner part of us that has us melting at the fascination of Christian Grey or Edward Cullen.

So, let us compare the ultra mind catchers of the books, Christian Grey and Edward Cullen. What are their similarities? What are their differences? :

Similarities

1. They both believe they are bad people, dangerous people.
2. They have their own personal perception of how they are “monsters”
3. They attract and ultimately fall in love with a slight, innocent brunette
4. They are controlling and overprotective of their teeny brunette
5. They are rich and powerful (in their own sense)
6. They are simply gorgeous god-like creatures
7. They change their perspective on life once they meet their brunette
8. They are each “adopted” into a family with adopted siblings as well (they are each fond of their little sisters)
9. There is one thing they crave from their brunette all the time
10. They pace themselves to maintain control in order to keep their brunette (alive or otherwise)
11. Their resemblances in appearance are basically the same; the only difference, as it seems, is that Christian is older (age 27) than Edward (age 17)
12. Their mannerisms and persona are quite similar; polite, introverted, smart, sexy, appropriate

Differences

1. Christian is human, Edward is a vampire
2. Christian is a CEO of his own company, Edward has to repeat high school over and over
3. Christian is a Dominant in S&M relationships, Edward is highly traditional regarding his “virtue”
4. Christian endured a hard early childhood, Edward had a normal childhood and family life until his was 17
5. Christian enjoys hurting his Submissives (with their permission) for self sexual-gratification in order to compensate for his mother’s incompetence as a poor mom (he envisions fucking her and punishing her), Edward has no personal interest in any sick fantasies whatsoever (FYI this is actually mentioned in the third novel of the Fifty Shades of Grey series, but still a good comparison)
6. Christian has had an affair with a woman twice his age who taught him how to be a Dominant and introduced him into the world of S&M, Edward, again, no interest

These are just some similarities and differences between the characters, but are the ones that stand out most to me in the novels. To pick between the two, I suppose it depends on how I am feeling. If I don’t mind a little PG rated book just to tame myself, Twilight would be my preferred choice. But if I am interested in rocking the kasba like no tomorrow, Fifty Shades of Grey would be my ultimatum.

In this moment, I am now proceeding to read the second novel of the Fifty Shades series, Fifty Shades Darker by E.L James. Again, I need to give my cousin a big hug for such a wonderful birthday gift.

No Bra, No Panties

Does everyone remember the movie Thirteen?

I found it in my stash of dvds the other day and watched it, and I forgot just how into it I can get. I used to constantly watch this movie in my early teens (and use it as a motivator to get wild and irresponsible, unfortunately) I remember huddling at sleepovers at my friends’ places, drinking hard liquor and laughing at all the moments in the films when the girls would get high – that was mighty fun.

Every time I watch this movie, it makes me want to break out and party hard and wake up the next morning hung over and giggly. Of course, I am not saying I would actually do that, but the thrill is all there in the movie.

For those of you who have not seen it, it is generally about this goody-goody mommy’s girl who becomes envious of the most popular girl in school. Her transition to the “wild side” began after the popular girl – Evie Zamora – and her girls start making fun of goody-goody’s – Tracy’s – wardrobe. Tracy, fed up with her babyish influence, decides to probe her mom into getting her some new clothing. Stemming from there, rocking her new clothing, Tracy attracts Evie’s attention and manages to get her number. From there Tracy and Evie’s new-found friendship begins to develop. Unfortunately, the influence that Evie has surrounds Tracy in a world of sex, drugs, alcohol, and highly free-spirited. It is also a movie that focuses on the relationship between Tracy and her mother, someone she was very close to (until she met Evie)

Just watching the movie makes you look back on how much you were stubborn and full of angst as a teen and rebelled against your parents. I would be rich for every dime I got recounting how many times I had rebelled against my parents. It’s a natural thing for teens, especially today, with many influences and more freedom. Doesn’t it dawn on you just how much teens today can get away with? I understand it depends on the influence of the parents, but your parents’ knowledge and advice sometimes are moot depending on your personality, attitude, and peer influence (friends).

In all, I’m glad I experienced such a rebellious past, because if I hadn’t, I would not have learned what was better for me and what wasn’t. And though some things seem obvious from right or wrong, being a teen can make you relentless, and ignoring everything your Daddy tells you is a common ritual everyday.

That’s when my Dad says, “Don’t say I didn’t tell you so”

Life in a Rubber Ball

How I picture life is like … like watching a kid attempt to make the largest rubber ball.

Imagine, packing and wrapping rubber bands over and over each other, crisscrossing colours, no same path outstanding while another intertwines with it. Always busy, never repetitive along the same circumference of rubber band. Twisting and bending and stretching and squishing. It is literally like describing life without meaning to.

The reason why I brought this up is because I had realized I was so m.i.a from this site due to so much happening in my life. I am so busy in my mind of what to do that I forget about a bunch of important things, including this place – my asylum of peace. I have a hard time remembering people and places to be, it’s overwhelming.

Sometimes, I wish – like many of you out there – that I was a child again. I wish I could take my knowledge and experience now and use it to my advantage as I relived my childhood and teenage years. I know now how important it is to care about school, about respecting your family, about doing what is right and learning what is better. I guess I did learn about those things, but a little later than when I would have liked.

I do enjoy that my life is not boring. Sometimes repetitive but I wiggle my world around to make it interesting. I think that is what I love about my life, that it is not monotonous in the sense where only one thing is happening in it. I mean, this year I am going back to university to finish my degree, I have a job and a beautiful son.

Oh rubber ball, why are you so entangled?

Sigh.

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The Wedding update coming soon.

Book of Choice: Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James (still reading)

I am currently reading Fifty Shades of Grey, the spinoff bestseller of the Twilight novels, hitting nationwide and has every female biting their lip and shifting their legs. To begin, I had received the trilogy of Fifty Shades for my birthday from my cousin. I was seriously curious about it when she had bought it for me and ended with the sentence, “Knowing you, Tia, I know you’ll like this one” Wink.

I started reading it right away and I have got to say, I never left my room for the rest of the day. It is so intense and sexual and has you gripping your bedsheets and exploring many fantasies you would never know of. My hubby would always roll his eyes when he would see me reading that book, but I don’t understand why since he certainly benefits from it later (xxx-rated)

Anyway, I am not finished reading it so I will not go much into detail about my analysis but once I am finished it will certainly be a heart-throbbing analysis at that. I praise the author who had come up with such an amazing book – she really knows how to entertain her readers (mostly female, I would presume) But I would not doubt that many husbands, boyfriends, whatever are certainly grateful for her book.

I need to head back in to my room for some alone time with my book and I.

 

Sex-Envious: Being A Parent and The “No Sex” Limitation

I am just going to say it: I have a very high sex drive (I am sure it is obvious concerning some of the blogs I have posted)
I had decided to blog about this topic because I had just encountered a red flag in my relationship. Lack of sex (uh-oh!) Firstly, I just want to mention that I am aware that being a parent makes other “priorities” difficult to pay much attention to, but as a woman with a drive that could go on for miles, it is hard to stay sane without this particular “priority” Now, I understand many couples find their loopholes in shimmying in some time to “wrestle”, but even when this opportunity arises, why is it that my hubby and I do not grasp this delicious moment to dance the naked boogie?

I hate it. It’s like a subconscious throw down we do whenever we seek time to have sex. My hubby explains it’s probably because we are tired. I do not doubt that. But knowing me, and anybody who knows me well (sometimes very well), there has never been a time in my life that I had turned down sex. Never. Why? How can this be? I feel it is such a waste to not have sex when you can – mind you I could just be saying this because I am in a major dry spell.

For those of you who understand, please, tell me that there is a way to get out of this dry well and into a nice wet one! Tell me how to convince my hubby that caffeine pills are the way to go to pick up our paces (actually no, but again, stuck in a dry well over here) Tell me how to prevent fatigue and oomph my drive up.

I began to think maybe I could start engaging in more experimental methods (not that we haven’t already been engaged in such) Maybe new playmate outfits? Or sex toys? Just to get us out of the loop. I hate this loop, I hate it, hate it, hate it! If only one’s sex drive could easily be turned on with a button.